Princess or no?

 

Belle Fille is in that phase where she starts to like princess stuff, be it dresses, tv shows and movies, dolls...etc. Princess Sofia  has the lead right now from Disney Channel (or Disney Jr? Dunno) She really likes The Little Mermaid as well, but I had nothing to do with that. See, though I call my child princess and all, I'm not completely sure whether I want her to become a part of the princess culture.

I've often thought that the "sit look pretty and wait for prince charming to come" is filtered from movies like Sleeping Beauty and Barbie dolls. Sure Mulan is the exception and in recent years stronger female characters have been produced but I'm still hesitant. I do not want my kid to grow with such misconceptions.

And yet, I did. I loved Belle from Beauty and the Beast and dressed up as one princess or another and I had loads of Barbies. I'm afraid I adopted a few concepts I'm not proud of but grew out of them in time (thank goodness for books!). I didn't turn out that bad in spite of everything though. And like I said, there are a couple good things that can be picked up from shows now a days. For example, I don't remember if it was Cinderella II or III, but the aforementioned did her own thing instead of being a "proper lady". That much at least can be rescued.

Our culture is flooded with wrong ideas on what girls should be: how to look, what to wear, what to say. Augh. And yet, I can't protect Belle Fille from all that, I'm not even sure I want to because she needs to know both good and bad to be able to form a criteria of her own. So what to do?

I've decided that in my house princesses and Barbies won't be encouraged nor banned. Avoided as much as possible though. If she reeeaaally wants to see a certain program or toy, I suppose she could twist my arm into it. But I'll do close to whatever it takes to distract her before that. You've got my word for it.

PS: Truth be told, I have mixed feelings regarding Tinkerbell. I like the curiosity and non comformist way to do things she shows in her movies and though her dress is way to short, I don't really mind.

Does this make me a bad mom?

I took Belle Fille to the park the other in hopes off getting her tired enough for a nap on our return (I might have been the one needing the nap if truth be told). She was full of energy and since there's a playground right behind the park we went there afterwards until a van pulled up and unloaded half a dozen elementary kids. We weren't exactly exiled, but left before my toddler got hurt with all the crazed kids running around.

Since my child was reluctant on going back to the house we returned to the park, but by now I was spent. So I put her on top of this little hill.

Now, this is a very advantageous little hill. It's long enough for a small child to walk along it, but a bit steep and strewn with pebbles and the like so if the kid isn't careful the odds of falling down are pretty high. Oh, and the hill's bordered with some painful looking lava rocks. And like I said, this is where I let my kid play. On purpose.

Where was I? At the bottom of the hill of course. Near enough to stop her from falling into the harsh rocks. Far enough for her to have to walk a bit to hand me these weeds that only grew on top of the hill which I asked for several times. Bluntly put, I had her coming to and fro up and down the hill to give me these weeds I supposedly needed.

Why you might ask? To teach her a wordless lesson. If she rushed and was careless, she would fall on the pebbles. And she did fall plenty of times. At first. But after seven or so stumbles (I caught her a couple times before she hit the big rocks and actually got hurt) she started to be more careful and skilled until it got to the point where she no longer fell down while going up and down the before mentioned hill.

This is how Belle Fille learns best. If I warn her about something, she'll probably ignore me. If I sit her down and explain to her why she has to be careful, she might actually listen to me. But if I explain why she has to be careful and I let her try it on her own I can rest assured she will learn the lesson.

Sure, she might fall down a couple times, that's why I stay close to break any dangerous stumble. But I won't always be there to help her go up and down a hill, nor will I always be able to hold her hand every time there's an obstacle during her life. So I prefer she learns to be careful and to trust her own abilities as a child now, and not later when the going get's rough.

That means watching her fall down a couple times while she gets the hang of things.

I know it's for the best (it has to be), but the occassional bystander (older moms, sheesh) will give me a self-righteous look and I can almost hear them thinking that they'll be better parents than me because I let my little girl fall down and pick herself up.

Does that make me a bad mom? Nah I don't think so.

The Rats' Song

I sing. A lot. But this post isn't about me singing, it's about Belle Filles' new favorite song. Rememember when my little girl was teeny tiny and I sung her a lullaby? Well Muñequita linda isn't her favorite anymore (though we still sing it a lot). Now it's "Una Rata Vieja." This is an old, old song too, mexican lore, and though it doesn't strike as a tune for a child, it's sung to little children.

Una rata vieja
An old rat

Era planchadora
Would iron clothes

Por planchar su falda
For ironing her skirt

Se quemó la cola.
She burnt her tail.

Se puso pomada
She put some balm on

Se amarró un trapito
She tied a cloth on herself

Y a la pobre rata
And the poor rat

Le quedó un rabito.
Was left a little stump.

Mommy will be home soon my love

 

Last night as I lay in bed with Belle Fille in my arms, I felt a slight tug at my heart thinking that since the start of this semester, I haven’t spent as much time with her like when I was on summer vacation. It’s a complex feeling: I don’t feel guilty about going to college instead of staying home with her all day, but I wish I’d organized my time better so that she didn’t resent the change.

I’m not exactly worried about her (she’s as independent as ever) but I start to hesitate as I return to an image from the afternoon of her hitting her head on a window pane and crying out one word huddled in my arms: mommy, mommy, mommy. That’s all she said for a few minutes until she calmed down. Mommy, mommy. It broke my heart especially because I spent most of yesterday doing homework and felt pangs of regret. Was she calling out to me in this manner because she missed me too much? Did she feel upset because I didn’t spend time with her like she’s used to?

In fact, Belle Fille just started sleeping cradled in my arms a few weeks back. Before, she would say “move” if I held on to her for too long when we were going to sleep. Now it’s become routine for her to lay by my side with one of my arms around her for a little while before she eases out and stretches and sleeps. Is it because she’s grown more attached to me? Or is it because she needs me more now that she’s older. I don’t know.

The past week was that of adjusting back into university mode, so it’s been more of touch and go rather than planning out my time. But I’ve definitely got to get my stuff together ‘cuz it’s not just me, or even Hubby that I’ve got to consider, but my child, my sweet baby girl that I cherish and that is in my care. I am aware that time is short as I’ve seen her grow so quickly. I don’t want to waste my time, rather, I’ll consciously make most of the time I’ve got so that while still getting things done at school and at home, my family knows And Feels that they are the most important to me, what I most enjoy.

My beautiful Belle Fille. Mommy will be home soon my love.

Just Look: Peekaboo!

Top 5 wishes for my child

It's been a while since I can participate Kate takes 5 listography (yay!) So here goes!

Top 5 wishes for my child:

1.- I wish for my Belle Fille to know herself very well: what she is, what she's not, and to feel content and confident about herself. I think that's an extremely important tool as to not get lost and pushed or overwhelmed in the crowds. You know, to dance to her own tune. She'll know what she wants to be and do easily this way. And work on her less developed abilities, enjoy her good ones more. And she won't allow anyone (man or woman) to mistreat her or make her feel less.

2.- I wish for her to to feel free to express herself in some artistic manner. Be it singing, dancing, painting, playing an instrument... It'd be nice if she was good at it, but I much prefer she has the confidence to do it. On my dads side, most of us like to sing and dance. Some are good (others of us a bit less) but we enjoy our family gatherings singing in a circle with a guitar like you wouldn't believe. It's one of those things that characterizes us and keeps us all close. (Not the only one though)

3.- I wish my baby to to acquire a love for reading. It will not only help her in her studies and mentally (whish is good and neccesary in itself), but emotionally as well. I wish her imagination to have no ceiling, stimulated by the bravery and kindness and wisdom of the characters in her books. And personally, I've never spent a lonely day with a good book at my side. I want her to dream of herself as a princess, a warrior, a wise erudite, superwoman and more.

4.- I wish for her to know the value of perseverance and hard work. To realize that there might be loads of genius and talent, but without hard work added to the equation, it doesn't amount to much. With this she'll be productive herself in whichever way she decides to go, but she'll appreciate hard work in others as well.

5.- And as wish number 5 I'd love it for my Belle Fille to have empathy for others, as well as for herself. To not be above anyone, not under anyone, but to put herself on the same level. To enjoy and accept the good and bad in others and in herself.

There's something else much more important than these wishes, but these'll do for now : )

Belle Fille Update

On a happier note, I'd like to talk about my Belle Fille. She's had a few subtle changes of late, but they've really caught my attention. She's never been troublesome, but now she seems to have a new 'tude, you know? She's still a sweetie and all, but now she's more... let me put an example. She's tall enough to fumble with the stove handles now, but I obviously don't let her.

So I put on a stern voice, and and say No Belle Fille.


Belle Fille seems taken back by my tone of voice, but isn't cowed. Instead, she looks me in the eye, and lifts her hand silently.

No  I repeat.

She drops her hand but her face is as serious as mine. Without flinching nor hesitating, she reaches up at the stove again.

No.  My tone hardens and she removes her hand. She knows I mean business.

She adjusts her strategy, but not her goal as she smiles sweetly still looking at me but moving her hand towards the handle.

No matter what I do, she's relentless. She isn't even afraid of physical discipline, so my best bet is to say No and move her away while I distract her with something else. These interactions which have been repeating themselves under different circumstances with the same results remind me of when she was wedged up in my rib cage and resisted for a long time to move no matter how much I tried to coax her out. Remember? In Simply Stunning.

Anyhow, that's my Belle Fille for you. Hitherto.

Chillón!

Today when I came back from college I was received with Belle Filles´morning anecdote. Aparently, BF and her grandma went to the market today and there was an eight or nine year old boy throwing a huge tantrum like a baby. My mother in law said "niño chillón" under her breath, "big crybaby" in spanish. Only Belle Fille not only heard her, but she also called out to the boy in a loud voice: "chillón!".

Your Momma

I am your momma.
I have the privilege to bathe you, to feed you, to take your to the park.
I am your momma.

But it's not just being clean, and full, and entertained.
 It's fun in the tub with your little toys.
And trying to catch the water that comes out of the faucet with your little hand outstretched.
It's discovering that bubbles are not forever
And that soap is indeed slippery.

It's finding new flavors and colors and textures
And learning to hold a spoon.
It's learning to negotiate
And then fall back and regroup.

It's breathing fresh air and chasing doves
And learning to get up when you fall down.
It's making new friends, playing new games
And then returning together home.

Yes, I am your momma.
And you know what? You are my baby.

Let’s stick a spoon down her throat

Today I thought you might like to hear about Belle Filles’ most recent experiment, but in her words not mine. Enjoy!
……………

Dae dae dae, dae…

Belle Fille stays stock still as her thoughts are interrupted by a high pitched screech imitation of Celine Dion.

“… You stood by me and I stood tall, I had your love I had it all…”

Oh momma. Didn’t you sing enough of that song at karaoke yesterday? Seriously?

The mother misses the young girls’ look of condescension mixed with humor, picks her up off the ground to dance with her, and continues her song.

The babys’ eyebrows knit together. Great, right next to the loudspeaker. (How do I turn this off?) The twirling is fun, but really mother, it doesn’t exactly help your performance.

The mom dances to and fro with her small child in her arms, but stands still as she nears one of the highest, most difficult part of the song. Facial expression becomes more dramatic.

“Light in the dark, shining your love into my life. You’ve been my inspiration…”

Augh, momma! I’m right next to you ‘ya know? How the heck do I turn this off?! Oh yeah…

Suddenly, Belle Fille looks at her hand and her eyes light up like the light bulb over her head. She’s holding a spoon. Hmmm… I wonder.

“…because of YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUU-…”

But the “you” is drastically cut short as the baby sticks the spoon into her mommas’ mouth, who gags and sputters slightly as she hurries to pull the spoon from her mouth before she actually chokes.

Hey! It worked. Let’s do that again! Belle Fille looks up at her mother with her typical apologetic/I got you but I’m so cute there’s nothing you can do about it look and openly smiles.

Now it’s the mommas turn to slightly frown, irritation and amusement plain on her face.

Hey husband, your daughter’s trying to kill me.

No I’m not, I like you. You feed me and take me to the playground and read to me. And you make funny faces when you sing.

Husband gets up from the couch where he watched the whole thing, heads towards the momma that’s still holding the baby in her arms, and says Belle Fille. That wasn’t nice. Say ‘sorry’.

Agua

No. Say ‘sorry’

Agua.

‘Sorry’

Agua.

The dad gives up, grins, and pecks them both on the cheek before he goes to the kitchen to make a bottle of milk. The mom kisses her likewise, but starts to sing again after having removed the spoon from her babys’ grasp.

Awww…

A float in doubting waters

I know this is probably not the best way to start a post so early in the year, but I've got to get this out so I can get over it. I'm not feeling at my best right now. Quite the reverse. I feel like a terrible--- you name it. Mom. Student. Me. However, my baby's love keeps me afloat. (That and my Hubbys and families and friends love, but that's not the point of this particular post)

Belle Fille has had a really bad rash for over a week now. She started with diarrhea, I suppose because I started to use this new spice in our food, a chili. And it's hurting her very much. I just feel so bad because it's my fault she's in pain. I should've been way more careful with her diet and even though I had been changing her diapers regularly, I should've done it more. She also caught a cold so between a sore nose and a sore bottom, Belle Fille is not in a nice place. At least she's getting better.

At school you remember I had some difficulty last semester, and now I can't seem to get the paperwork that goes behind it straight. I bet they must be tired of me at the school office since I've been calling so frecuently . I just can't seem to be able to do things right, it's like I finally have the chance to fix x but I forget about z but by then I've lost my chance and have to start all over again. I just... grrr.

As for me, I've been more forgetful than usual. I'm a scatterbrain at best, but I'm in danger of falling into an unconscious and irresponsible parent. For example, since Belle Fille has been sick, we took her to do these analisis but now I've lost them and we're taking her to the pediatrician today and need them. I haven't a clue as to where they are and since I'm not at home right now (trying to fix the college thing) my hubby will have to go look for them without the least idea of where to start. He has loads of work right now and can't spare the time to barely eat but he doesn't have a choice but to look because his dumb wife lost the darned papers. Some ideal helper I've been.

On a less important, but none the less frustrating note it's been called to my attention that some people have been talking ungraciously of me behind my back. Some of these comments have been from people who judge how I look but don't even know me, and it's been on my lack of fashion sense so, really, whatever. I know that I'm not a fashionista and I can definetly work on getting my clothes combinations better but I don't feel the need. I feel comfortable and pretty, but it doesn't seem to be enough anymore now that I'm married and have an "image" to maintain. Needless to say, my self esteem has taken a hit.

Other people, people close to me, have put into doubt my capacity or matureness as a mom. Yes, I'm young. Yes, I lack experience in many areas. I'm more of a laisser faire person, but ever since these comments that have repeated themselves came to my ears, I've been doubting if I've been careless of Belle Fille.

Usually when my baby falls down while walking I check she's if she's not really hurt, smile, but tell her she can get up by herself, that nothing happend. I don't make a fuss, and I believe that's encouraged and independent, self-sufficient personality in my child that I love and know will help her no matter her age. When Belle Fille catches a cold, which isn't every often, I tend to try and ride it out so that her inmune sistem has the time to strengthen itself. And it's worked out pretty well, until now.

I feel eyes on the back of my head, murmuring. That I've been careless, that I'm too wrapped up in my own little world of books and school to be a good mother. I know that people think I'm selfish of my time, that instead I should be giving it all to Belle Fille. I play with her every few hours. I read to her every day. I take her to the playground that's close to our house two or three times each week. But I also admit that I also let her play by herself for a while a few times everyday. Sometimes it's from lack of time or from excess things to do. But sometimes I just sit and read or write.

Why don't I use those spare minutes to play with her? Because she needs to learn to entertain herself. To have the capacity to be by herself, but not be necessarily lonely. I learned that the hard way, and so I want her to learn it the easy way, full of confidence and exploring but still feeling safe and secure, still feeling that I love her. In these moments of playing by herself, I do pay attention to her, I am available. If she comes to me and shows me what she's drawing or her toy, I'll receive her with open arms and talk to her and remind her the special, inteligent, wonderful person that she is. But then I'll gently let her carry on with her bussiness, and I'll do the same while still staying close and available.

I see the results already and am so happy to see that my child is not a frightened little girl that cries when she falls down (when she's not hurt for real) or when she isn't able to do something. If she falls she gets up. If she needs help, she comes to me, but leaves once I've shown her how to do what was causing her problems with a smile on her face. She'll come and hug me and give me a kiss one moment, then walk around to explore the house the next, and will come back to proudly show me her newest discovery with another kiss and another hug.

Yes I am young, but that doesn't mean that I do everything without a purpose, just to have some time to myself. I've got stuff I'm working on, and stuff I'm bad at, just like the rest of the world. But those prying eyes and poisonous tongues,will never, ever, be able to cloud the love I have for my daughter. Criticize my looks, my house keeping, my grades, but I disdain your attempts to begrudge me. The relationship and love my daughter and I share is far greater than that.

Just Look: Belle Fille and the Piñata

The First: Table Manners

As I was watching my baby daughter I decided that her motor skills might as well be challenged since they seem to be getting along pretty fine now. So I started to teach her how to use a fork. To keep things simple, we started with finely chopped sausages. At first I tried to teach her the correct, adult way to hold her little plastic fork, and she was cooperating but we ended up falling into the simpler, toddler way of holding the fork. She did really good, I’m so proud! Ho ho, I might be getting worked up about this little thing, but just this morning she used her fingers to eat everything.

For lunch I gave her an apple and went on my own business while she walked around the house eating it. But when I checked on her, the apple was gone. I asked her for it and she did know I was talking about the “apo” as she calls it, but I’m not sure she understood the word “where” when I asked her for it. I convinced her to help me find it: she followed me around the house while I looked for it. I just had to find the apple before I forgot about it. Until it started to rot under, I dunno, the couch. But it just refused to be found! It literally had me on my knees, trying all the places Belle Fille could reach. At that level, I looked for the fruit under the Christmas tree but it wasn’t there.

At least, it wasn’t under the tree. I think Bell Fille wanted to decorate the Christmas tree on her own, so she put the apple there, right in the middle of the lights and spheres. Can you believe it?

Probably not because I just came up with it

Have you ever heard about school lag? Probably not because I just came up with it.

School lag: period of time that comes directly after finishing a semester or course at an education center, (at whatever level) characterized by impending lazyness, sleeping in, occasional yawning and nearly permanent apathy. The suspected cause of these symptoms is to be mentally, and in more complicated cases, physically burnt out. The cure requires about two to five days (not just nights) of resting and sleeping.

See? School lag.

That is my present state, except that I still have to go to college to find our my grades for one more week, a beautiful babe to look after, and a home to keep when I am at home. Thus, my rehab isn’t exactly expedient rather than being drawn out.

Ha ha... Want something a bit more graphic? The breakfast dishes are still waiting to be washed, the house is a mess, I’ve got two little mountains of (folded, mind you) clothes needing ironing, the bed hasn’t been made yet (Belle Fille is still sleeping there) and I could continue this list but you get the idea.

Me? My hair is disheveled, I’m wearing a robe with little hearts on it and slippers and was reading in bed in middle of all this, until I realized that I’d better take advantage of my baby sleeping and blog. I’d sleep myself, but it wouldn’t be very restful because the idea of all the stuff I have to do would be nagging at the back of my mind the whole time. However, I don’t really feel like doing anything this very instant, so here I am. Thankfully, it’s like 10:30 or something so I don’t feel pressured just yet.

I made french toast today and stayed at the table reading this article while Belle Fille walked around her high chair in the kitchen. Then she suddenly stopped, turned around, came straight to me, and but her head on my lap.

Hey baby cakes, are you still hungry?

No.

Are you sleepy?

No.

I pick her up and hug her, and she snuggles up to me.

Do you love me?

No.

Do you want more strawberry milk?

No.

I sing to her, and rock her slightly. Kiss her head and ask

Did you know I love you?

She doesn’t answer. Instead, she seems to think about it for a few seconds, smiles and nods. She never spoke, but she told me

Yes.

No no no!

Belle Fille has now entered a new fase where she is able to express herself a lot better thanks to a boost in her new vocab. Her first words were mama and papa, followed by nena, agua and guau guau. She moved on to, try and guess, lightbulb. Only that it sounds like laibub, and also ball (baa), among other words. Her most recent word is no. And it is quickly becoming her favorite.

It's time to take your nap babycakes.
No no no

Sweetie stop squirming around, mommy has to change your diapy.
No no no!

How'd you get up the stairs on your own!? Come here...!
Noooooooooo!!!

Need I continue?

She's also starting to develop a slight temper and becoming a tad high maintenance. Nothing out of the ordinary for a one year old, just the usual tantrums in the park. She's become a little spoiled of late. I think it might be because I've been spending too much time with her. I gave her all my attention for hours a few days and I'm afraid now she's gotten used to it.

Before you start to judge me I normally play with her a lot, and take her to the park and for walks on a regular basis, but I also leave her to herself while I tidy up the house, something that I didn't do these days in particular (this because I went to visit my in-laws. I admit I'm messy but I try and be clean. Also, these two are not necessarily synonyms). She had zero competition.

Anyhow, the weekend is over and I'm back in school with homework, not to mention the ironing that I've been putting off on purpose for a while now. FYI I actually like ironing, it's pure strategy haha.

Whatever, we've got some straightening out to do that'll probably be drawn out and I am not looking forward to it. And I quote, "easily in but not easily out, as the lobster said in the lobster pot!"

Belle Filles' Lullaby

So I sing to my baby, right? (By the way, I mentally caress the word, baby, since my daughter seems intent on entering toddledom. Not just now, but she's well on her way) Just like any other momma. But my favorite lullaby isn't exactly rock a bye baby. It's an old mexican song usually sung with mariachi, but I really like the lyrics and so, in a soft song-like coo, I give to you an extract of muñequita linda, my little girls' favorite lullaby:

Muñequita linda de cabellos de oro
Cute little doll with golden hair

de dientes de perla labios de rubí
teeth of pearl, ruby lips

Dime si me quieres como yo te adoro
tell me if you love me as much as I adore you

si de mí te acuerdas como yo de ti.
if you remember me like I do you

A veces escucho un eco divino
sometimes I hear a divine eco

que envuelto en la brisa parece decir...
that enveloped in a breeze seems to say

Sí te quiero mucho, mucho, mucho, mucho
yes I love you very much, very very much

tanto como entonces, siempre hasta morir.
as much as then, always to death.

My Amado

I´ve never talked to you about my Amado before have I? He’s my husband.

He is a pretty normal guy. He’s tall and works out so I can woo him with ease (and I do that a lot) He shaves nearly every day. He likes coffee as much as I do as well as piña colada (yum!) He loves to watch Friends and The Big Bang Theory. He dislikes it when the car is dirty, but is sensible enough to detach himself from that notion when it’s rainy season and you have to wash your car constantly because it gets dirty right away, besides the fact that I don’t mind eating crackers and the like inside it. And Belle Fille is a baby so she isn’t neat either. (Sorry honey, I’ll clean it up later!)

Mmm… what else…

His heart melts in protective love for our daughter. He can’t abide her getting even a teeny bit hurt. He was so disgruntled with me when Belle Fille fell of the bed because of my carelessness. In my defense, however, she’d never rolled in front of me before. I didn’t think she could move at all! Much less cover the entire distance from the middle of the bed to the edge, and right off it. It’s a big bed! Anyway…

He plays with her and talks to her sweetly… the other day I heard him singing her a lullaby that consisted of one word (light bulb. I’ll explain later) but it was in such a tender, caring tone that he had both her and me in rapt attention. That is, until he realized I was behind him and asked me what was wrong, probably wondering why I was looking at him with a goofy smile on my face. But he lets her know who’s boss when she pinches/ bites/ hits me because I don’t let her have her way. Though I have to admit she’ll have him eating from the palm of her hand a few seconds later after she scrunches up her face and pouts. My sweet babe…

Cultural pause/interlude

In Mexico, when kids or people in general do stuff like that, we say that “ya nos tomó la medida.” Literally it means that we’ve been measured. What’s implied, is that the person that “measured” us knows us well enough to know what to do to when they want to get away with something they normally couldn’t. For example, Belle File will pull my hair one second, then give me a (two) toothed grin the next so that I’ll forgive her quickly. Sometimes I can’t help but to laugh out loud when she does that. Can you believe her?! That nifty little bundle of cuteness…

Cultural pause ended. We will now resume and finalize the description of my hubby.

My amado and I would go to the movies two or three times a week when we were dating, now we go about once a week. (Yes, we watch a lot of movies, congrats on noticing). He’ll hold me when I get tense on suspenseful moments, he’ll gently wipe away my tears in the rare case that I cry. And when it’s over, he’ll laugh with me as I sing/holler in the car most of the way home, making comments on the funny faces he says I do.

I love that guy.