On creating

Process of creation and an everyday application

1.- Question and defy your area of interest. Ask yourself questions about it, imagine it differently.

I loose so much time on the bus! Drat... I get so bored and I'm tired and hungry. Hmmm... I wonder if I can do something about it... The ride would be a lot more fun if they pasted up comic books on the walls  of the bus... then again that would become boring at some point as well... What if they put up flatscreens? Naaaa, given they weren't stolen, it'd be troublesome choosing a channel with so much people... Maybe a disco ball...?

2.- Research on the subject of your interest as to find other alternatives.

Is there any shorter route I can take? Do any friends ride the same bus? Well, it takes about 45 minutes for it to get me home, what can I do in 45 minutes? It's always extremely full at 2:15 more or less, if I use it earlier at least I won't get pushed around and maybe I'll even find an empty seat! 

3.- Abandon your problem and put distance between it and you. Let your unconscious work on it.

Yeah well, it's not like I can make the driver go any faster... whatever... at least I'm only a few blocks away from my stop now... A peter piper picked a peck o' pickled peppers...

4.- Try and find a solution with the information you've got and whatever you came up with unconsciously.

Well, I gotta use the bus tomorrow again. 45 minutes... I can't do homework because of the constant movement, no friend uses the same bus I do... what can I do, what can I do... Kareoke? Nope, they'd just kick me off... what about a book that I don't have to read analytically? That way it doesn't matter if I'm distracted or hungry, I'll be more interested in the book! Also, I'll feel more relaxed when I get home to do homework!

5.- Try your hypothesis

Well, I got a book from Isabele Allende from the library today: those have enough imagination to last me a good 45 minutes. (gets on bus, opens book with one hand while she holds on with the other) Hmmm... hmmm... hahahahahaha... wow... odd... yay!... Wait hold on this is my stop! (hurries off the bus in a nick of time) Phew! That driver must've been in a hurry, I got here so fast! Then again, 45 minutes've passed since I got on the bus... 

6.- Acknowledge your creation and relish in its freshness and usefulness.

Yay! I can finally read non-school related books! You heard me! I'm reading fiction again baby! And when I finish this one, I'm gonna read Jack Londons' "The call of the wild" again!

Top 5 wishes for my child

It's been a while since I can participate Kate takes 5 listography (yay!) So here goes!

Top 5 wishes for my child:

1.- I wish for my Belle Fille to know herself very well: what she is, what she's not, and to feel content and confident about herself. I think that's an extremely important tool as to not get lost and pushed or overwhelmed in the crowds. You know, to dance to her own tune. She'll know what she wants to be and do easily this way. And work on her less developed abilities, enjoy her good ones more. And she won't allow anyone (man or woman) to mistreat her or make her feel less.

2.- I wish for her to to feel free to express herself in some artistic manner. Be it singing, dancing, painting, playing an instrument... It'd be nice if she was good at it, but I much prefer she has the confidence to do it. On my dads side, most of us like to sing and dance. Some are good (others of us a bit less) but we enjoy our family gatherings singing in a circle with a guitar like you wouldn't believe. It's one of those things that characterizes us and keeps us all close. (Not the only one though)

3.- I wish my baby to to acquire a love for reading. It will not only help her in her studies and mentally (whish is good and neccesary in itself), but emotionally as well. I wish her imagination to have no ceiling, stimulated by the bravery and kindness and wisdom of the characters in her books. And personally, I've never spent a lonely day with a good book at my side. I want her to dream of herself as a princess, a warrior, a wise erudite, superwoman and more.

4.- I wish for her to know the value of perseverance and hard work. To realize that there might be loads of genius and talent, but without hard work added to the equation, it doesn't amount to much. With this she'll be productive herself in whichever way she decides to go, but she'll appreciate hard work in others as well.

5.- And as wish number 5 I'd love it for my Belle Fille to have empathy for others, as well as for herself. To not be above anyone, not under anyone, but to put herself on the same level. To enjoy and accept the good and bad in others and in herself.

There's something else much more important than these wishes, but these'll do for now : )

Video Host- No more lonely nights

I recently heard this song by Paul McCartney and I loved it! I hadn't listened to this in maybe aeons and am greatly indepted to my good friend that brought it to mind (Thanks you!) I hope you enjoy it as much as I did. (Lots!)

: ) 

5 Minutes in College: Identity Development

I read a book during this past break totally unrelated to my area (so refreshing!) It was a book about learning a second language and it was filled with reports regarding this matter. There were all kind of investigations in there, some really interesting, some terribly boring. But one caught my eye particularly. It was about learning a second language like all the rest, but what really interested me was the psycology and sociology in it.

It was about how a persons identity can cause them to try and learn a second language.  So I've rescued this for y'all, the different stages an individual passes before they have an established identity.

The first stage of an indivudual developing his or her identity is called Identity of Diffusion. A person in this stage is easily impressionable, can change his/her mind easily, and is not commited to any particular identity or group and therefore theres is no identity crisis or identity at all really.

The second stage is Foreclosed Status. There is commitment to an identity and a set of values but these don't stem from the individual. Rather, these come from others like parents, peers or friends.

Next is Moratorium Status. At this stage there is an identity crisis and the individual actively searching for solutions and a genuine identity. They can experiment different things, until they're sure of what they really like and want. Once this stage is overcome, is...

Identity Achieved Status, you must have a good idea of what this involves, so I'll mention a quote that totally ilustrated it. These individuals are:

"In harmony with themselves, accept their capabilities, limitations and opportunities."

Need more be said?

So there you go. It feels like common knowledge, but I suppose it's good to remember information like this, especially when dealing with teenagers. In fact, most of this research was aimed at eighteen to twenty-something year olds. I suppose this process can begin a lot earlier, but when you finish high school you usually have to figure it out over again for good I guess. As for me, I think I'm somewhere between the latter two stages x )

I hope you enjoyed these 5 minutes in college. See ya! :)

PS: I was going to include bibliography, but I got them all muddled up so if you're interested and want to know the books directly, you can contact me through a comment, and I'd be happy to point you in the right direction.

Belle Fille Update

On a happier note, I'd like to talk about my Belle Fille. She's had a few subtle changes of late, but they've really caught my attention. She's never been troublesome, but now she seems to have a new 'tude, you know? She's still a sweetie and all, but now she's more... let me put an example. She's tall enough to fumble with the stove handles now, but I obviously don't let her.

So I put on a stern voice, and and say No Belle Fille.


Belle Fille seems taken back by my tone of voice, but isn't cowed. Instead, she looks me in the eye, and lifts her hand silently.

No  I repeat.

She drops her hand but her face is as serious as mine. Without flinching nor hesitating, she reaches up at the stove again.

No.  My tone hardens and she removes her hand. She knows I mean business.

She adjusts her strategy, but not her goal as she smiles sweetly still looking at me but moving her hand towards the handle.

No matter what I do, she's relentless. She isn't even afraid of physical discipline, so my best bet is to say No and move her away while I distract her with something else. These interactions which have been repeating themselves under different circumstances with the same results remind me of when she was wedged up in my rib cage and resisted for a long time to move no matter how much I tried to coax her out. Remember? In Simply Stunning.

Anyhow, that's my Belle Fille for you. Hitherto.

Can't I just get a break?

Sheesh, will I ever get over this? I seem to have had a relapse of some sort. You could say that this process started with Episode, I interpreted it in Cracks on the sidewalk, but it's still depredating me physically.  After the angst I'd been feeling lately, its catharsis, and my so-called being emotionally and mentally better, this. First day into vacations here in Mexico for semana santa,  I'm awakened by this horrible burning in my stomach. It was so bad, I'd been a while since I was in so much pain.

I also had this feeling of being completely empty as well and I was ravenous. So I picked myself up to go to the kitchen and eat, but instead I had to detour into the bathroom to throw up. When I finally got to the kitchen I got some bread and ate, wasn't able to keep it down and ended up in the bathroom again. By this time hubby had heard me and quickly went to the pharmacy to see if he could get me anything. The medicine, worked (to some extent), and I went back to sleep with an upset stomach.

I haven't gone to the doctor yet, I don't want to make this bigger than what it already is. I've been avoiding coffee and citrus fruit and anything acid. And I was fine. Except this morning when I started to feel the same. Thankfully, it was only just starting, so I got to the medicine quickly, had a good breakfast and was able to avoid it getting worse. I supose I'll just have to be lot more careful with my body and what I eat from now on in schedule and content.

So there you go. My body could just not forgive me, and now I'm taking the toll of all the mental issues I'd been having. But what frustrates me the most is that I feel so normal! I feel fine! But this comes up...!? This is becoming way too tiresome a subject. I don't even eat chili!

All I want is to integrally move on. On the emotional, mental and physical level.

Darn it!

To walk and to digress

I walk down a street and look a lot but don't always see. I think back, remember and recall, and as the picture comes back to me I really do See.

I remember the beautiful flower shops I saw that day. The stunning colors and hues and shapes. The fragrant smell but I walk past it.

I remember this old woman begging on the side of the road. She's always there in the afternoon,  think someone leaves her at noon and picks her up at dusk. Sometimes I can give her a little money, sometimes I can't, but still I walk past her.

I remember these guys that whistled as I passed by. I can't avoid feeling flattered and disgusted since I know that they'll do the same to the next girl that passes. And so, feeling indifferent and uncomfortable, I walk past them.

I think of my past and of my present, but rarely in my future. That I'll leave to the infrequent but undeniably periodic  insomnia that sometimes haunts me. I think in hard facts of what I've done and what I've got to do during the day: I can only fantasize whilst stillnes surrounds me. I account this and walk past it.

I keep walking and walking for the sake of exercise and my mind wanders again and again as the closet philosopher that I am blooms in this silence. I cherish this alone time because I know that as soon as I'm home and needed I will walk past it and become practical and available to the world. Whereas I walk in my lonesome I am not.

I've found that the difference between Looking and Seeing is both emotional and mental. To See you don't always need to Look, because you See when you think about what you're experimenting, or how it makes you feel. When you think and when you feel you See because you get mentally or emotionally involved. To Look without Seeing is cynical, but let's not forget that if cynical had a good side, it would be a self defense issue taken to the extreme.

And so, I am thankfull for this lonely walk because of the physical benefits of walking, and the mental and emotional ones of being free to be in silent contemplation. And I am also thankfull for its end, because it means I am blessed with time with my loved ones once more.

PD: The cherry tree has nothing to do with this post, but I just love this pic I found on the internet! Also, I think it ilustrates a little the dreamy haze I sometimes experiment when I digress in this manner. 

For us non techies out there

I've recently made a few changes to my blog to try and personalize it a bit more. I bet it could be more glam, but it's definetly more me so I like it! ; ) Anyhoo, I don't really deserve the credit because I am no designer myself, I just logged into The Cutest Blog on the Block and choose from all the different templates and buttons and blinkies and banners, that're just way too pretty!

If you can't afford to pay a designer to have a pretty blog, or are not a designer yourself, you should really look into it.  The instructions are also so easy, that even a technology impaired person like me had no excuse no have a boring looking blog. Unless the writting is exquisite that is: I am far from judging a book by it's cover. Otherwise, where would I be?!

Did you see my roses? Aren't they just droll!? Or the "Love" button? And I just adore the button that says "My Blog is an unedited version of myself". In fact, I'm thinking about adding this other button that says "Today's Menu: Take it or Leave it!", but I'm not sure I want to over button...

Listography - 5 Reasons I Know I'm a Mother

From Kate Takes 5, one of my favorite bloggers:

1.- I have a sixth sense that wakes me up in the middle of the night when Belle Filles' diaper has poo.

2.- I have eyes on the back of my head that warn me when Belle Fille has climbed the first step of the stairs

3.- The most common channel on the Tv is Nick Junior

4.- I can tell the difference between 'apo' (apple) and 'aboo' (scary noise)

5.- I can change a dirty diaper in 40 seconds flat (sometimes less)

Cracks on the sidewalk

I'm much, much better now. Feelings from the recent episode still linger in the air behind me, and though I could easily walk toward the direction of the wind as to leave the memory behind me, I'm not sure I want to. If at the time it happend I was suprised at its ocurring at all, I still haven't completely figured it out.

Though chameleon like to the world, I've always prided myself on knowing what was going on (at least consciously) inside of me. Whether I acted dumb or aware or not, whether I admited it to others outside myself or not, whether my reasons were real or imaginery, I knew. This time, however, I wholly did not, and that's what baffled me. I've been trying to make it out, without avail. The only reason that can explain this outburst is change.

Change is of course a constant in the world and in ourselves. Failure to take it into account can only result in error, as my case can ilustrate so well. I've changed. But to me, this goes a lot deeper. Because I don't think people change. I think people just show different sides of themselves to others depending on numerous factors and as to how well they know themselves. And only knowing oneself can one accept oneself.

I don't think my paradigm on life has changed, nor my priorities nor values. My actions will probably remain the same. This change is so deep yet so sutil, it'll be noticed like you notice the cracks on the sidewalk. But it'll be there, immutable. Just try and force the cracks on the cement back to their original form. You just can't.

A cracked sidewalk is still a sidewalk.

But would those new openings in the sidewalk have ever seen the light if the cement hadn't cracked? No. They would've remained hidden to everyone, even to the sidewalk itself. And yet again, no matter how many capricious formed cracks there are in the sidewalk, they all belong as a whole.

I lost my cool for a while the other day. I admit it. But is that part of me alien to me? Does it deserve to be rejected? No. And I will now abandon apologetics and rhetoric and metaphors and analogies and speak plainly.

That day, that part of me didn't need to be understood. It needed to be spoilt and embraced. I needed to be spoilt and embraced just because. Because I'm a person. With good and bad qualities, like you, like everyone. And I accept that. I accept that need that might be selfish and irrational, but it's still a part of me. And if I don't accept me and be nice to me, even when I don't "deserve it", then who the heck will?

I now walk forward but that Episode is no longer a shadow hovering around me, a stranger in my midst. It now wraps itself around me like a sweet comforting aroma, this new knowledge giving me a new dignity in the middle of all my imperfections.