No no no!

Belle Fille has now entered a new fase where she is able to express herself a lot better thanks to a boost in her new vocab. Her first words were mama and papa, followed by nena, agua and guau guau. She moved on to, try and guess, lightbulb. Only that it sounds like laibub, and also ball (baa), among other words. Her most recent word is no. And it is quickly becoming her favorite.

It's time to take your nap babycakes.
No no no

Sweetie stop squirming around, mommy has to change your diapy.
No no no!

How'd you get up the stairs on your own!? Come here...!
Noooooooooo!!!

Need I continue?

She's also starting to develop a slight temper and becoming a tad high maintenance. Nothing out of the ordinary for a one year old, just the usual tantrums in the park. She's become a little spoiled of late. I think it might be because I've been spending too much time with her. I gave her all my attention for hours a few days and I'm afraid now she's gotten used to it.

Before you start to judge me I normally play with her a lot, and take her to the park and for walks on a regular basis, but I also leave her to herself while I tidy up the house, something that I didn't do these days in particular (this because I went to visit my in-laws. I admit I'm messy but I try and be clean. Also, these two are not necessarily synonyms). She had zero competition.

Anyhow, the weekend is over and I'm back in school with homework, not to mention the ironing that I've been putting off on purpose for a while now. FYI I actually like ironing, it's pure strategy haha.

Whatever, we've got some straightening out to do that'll probably be drawn out and I am not looking forward to it. And I quote, "easily in but not easily out, as the lobster said in the lobster pot!"

Belle Filles' Lullaby

So I sing to my baby, right? (By the way, I mentally caress the word, baby, since my daughter seems intent on entering toddledom. Not just now, but she's well on her way) Just like any other momma. But my favorite lullaby isn't exactly rock a bye baby. It's an old mexican song usually sung with mariachi, but I really like the lyrics and so, in a soft song-like coo, I give to you an extract of muñequita linda, my little girls' favorite lullaby:

Muñequita linda de cabellos de oro
Cute little doll with golden hair

de dientes de perla labios de rubí
teeth of pearl, ruby lips

Dime si me quieres como yo te adoro
tell me if you love me as much as I adore you

si de mí te acuerdas como yo de ti.
if you remember me like I do you

A veces escucho un eco divino
sometimes I hear a divine eco

que envuelto en la brisa parece decir...
that enveloped in a breeze seems to say

Sí te quiero mucho, mucho, mucho, mucho
yes I love you very much, very very much

tanto como entonces, siempre hasta morir.
as much as then, always to death.

A typical class

Yipee! After a few not exactly satisfactory quizes at school, I've gotten a bit better, and so, I'll use this as an excuse to describe the different fases I've observed characterize some of my classes.

Stage 1: Off to a Good Start

Freshly showered, so pretty much wide awake. Optimistic but sober. Enter campus strutting ever so slightly because I've got this funky song in my head and am mentally singing it, until I glance at my watch.Drat. I thought I had more time! Pace quickens significantly until correct classroom is reached. Quick glance tells me which chairs are available, but I'll probably choose the nearest one. However, due to short sightedness I developed this dorky habit of sitting front and center during high school. Why I continue this habit is beyond me.

Stage 2: Social Protocol

Slyly check surrondings. Are there friends? Fiends? Strangers? If friends, casual or cheerful conversation will arise. If fiends (I apply the term loosely) I'll pretend to study or doodle in my notebook wondering what the heck I was thinking when I chose that seat. If strangers mood testing evaluation is next. However, before this, have in mind the following variables: Has the teacher arrived? If so, how much time till class actually starts? And especially, do I really feel like talking?

Stage 3: Class

Teacher begins lecture. Consciously focus on paying atention. This feat is easier or harder depending on the subject and the teachers style. For example, a teacher is keen on stamping or hitting the desk to emphasize the main points, which is actually very usefull to drowsy students, whereas I've also been subject to monotonous and unevenful droning that does not help keep you awake at all.

For our purpose, let's say that this particular class isn't very stimulating. And so, the battle begins.

Stage 4: Denial

I begin to feel sleepy. Eyes start to flutter and I have to concentrate on keeping them open. Mind over matter triumphs. That is, until my mind starts to play tricks on me.

Teacher has a twin? And what's up with their dressing up in exactly the same clothes? That's creepy. Hmmm... why is this room so warm? And quiet. Mmm...

I start to nod off. I start a mantra. Don't fall asleep. Do not fall asleep. Don't... fall asleep. Don't... sleep. Don'... sleep. Sleep. Sleep? Sleeeeeeep...




Stage 5: The Comeback

OK I'm falling asleep, gotta do something about it before the teacher looks my way, I aint 'xactley sutil here

Pinch. Ow! It sort of worked but is totally temporary. Also, since my tolerance for pain is pretty high, I've got to pinch really hard for it to actually hurt and I don't want to explain the marks on my arm at home. So what doesn't leave evidence? Hmmm...

I start to pull my hair. First lightly, and end up yanking. That did the trick! Unfortunetely, it also drew attention, and a friend is currently laughing at me.Oh well.

Wait a minute. Didn't I buy coffee candy the other day in preparation for today? Where the heck is it!?

Stage 6: The End

Now that I am succesfully awake, class is actually very interesting. Geopolitics. And suddenly, class is over. Dang! What I miss? I write down the homework, pack my stuff up and walk out the door.

If I'm lucky I bump into a friend or two emerging from their respective classes and savor a few minutes of refreshing comradeship. If I need to, I go to the library.

If not, I go straight to where Belle Fille is, thinking of her and of food. And probably about how freakin' hot it is.


How was school today? Great. Really great.

My Amado

I´ve never talked to you about my Amado before have I? He’s my husband.

He is a pretty normal guy. He’s tall and works out so I can woo him with ease (and I do that a lot) He shaves nearly every day. He likes coffee as much as I do as well as piña colada (yum!) He loves to watch Friends and The Big Bang Theory. He dislikes it when the car is dirty, but is sensible enough to detach himself from that notion when it’s rainy season and you have to wash your car constantly because it gets dirty right away, besides the fact that I don’t mind eating crackers and the like inside it. And Belle Fille is a baby so she isn’t neat either. (Sorry honey, I’ll clean it up later!)

Mmm… what else…

His heart melts in protective love for our daughter. He can’t abide her getting even a teeny bit hurt. He was so disgruntled with me when Belle Fille fell of the bed because of my carelessness. In my defense, however, she’d never rolled in front of me before. I didn’t think she could move at all! Much less cover the entire distance from the middle of the bed to the edge, and right off it. It’s a big bed! Anyway…

He plays with her and talks to her sweetly… the other day I heard him singing her a lullaby that consisted of one word (light bulb. I’ll explain later) but it was in such a tender, caring tone that he had both her and me in rapt attention. That is, until he realized I was behind him and asked me what was wrong, probably wondering why I was looking at him with a goofy smile on my face. But he lets her know who’s boss when she pinches/ bites/ hits me because I don’t let her have her way. Though I have to admit she’ll have him eating from the palm of her hand a few seconds later after she scrunches up her face and pouts. My sweet babe…

Cultural pause/interlude

In Mexico, when kids or people in general do stuff like that, we say that “ya nos tomó la medida.” Literally it means that we’ve been measured. What’s implied, is that the person that “measured” us knows us well enough to know what to do to when they want to get away with something they normally couldn’t. For example, Belle File will pull my hair one second, then give me a (two) toothed grin the next so that I’ll forgive her quickly. Sometimes I can’t help but to laugh out loud when she does that. Can you believe her?! That nifty little bundle of cuteness…

Cultural pause ended. We will now resume and finalize the description of my hubby.

My amado and I would go to the movies two or three times a week when we were dating, now we go about once a week. (Yes, we watch a lot of movies, congrats on noticing). He’ll hold me when I get tense on suspenseful moments, he’ll gently wipe away my tears in the rare case that I cry. And when it’s over, he’ll laugh with me as I sing/holler in the car most of the way home, making comments on the funny faces he says I do.

I love that guy.

Anger Management 101

After a brief but explosive anger episode myself, I started thinking about how different people express their anger. And how that, in turn, affects the way others see you. Some instantly react in humiliating, frustrating you name it situations, and vent on the nearest unfortunate bystander if the real cause isn’t in the perimeter. These are considered hotheads and vary from mild indignation best case scenario, to very violent.

Hotheads aren’t usually bothered very much because everyone knows that the smallest thing can and will set them off, so people will mostly go out of their way to avoid their rage. However, the amount successful in this attempt is minimum and a hothead will continue to live up to its reputation until it consciously decides to change (unlikely) and woe is you if you catch them on a bad day or are the cause, or even messenger, of bad news.

Then there are the martyrs. They will swallow pill after pill of pain, frustration and anger as much as humanly possible. They believe that the world hates and/or completely misunderstands them, and either think themselves too insignificant to retaliate or even speak their minds, or think themselves too good for that. Also, sometimes they adopt these behavior lines to attract attention, compassion, to manipulate, to justify, and to be plain lazy and let others work because oh can’t you see what I’m going through? Beware these docile creatures, they are more than capable of defending themselves and can be driven completely over the edge when they explode, forgetting caution or measure or common sense. Long oppressed feelings can easily envelop these soft smiled individuals once past their breaking point, blind them, and that, my friend, is how some of the worst murders and evils happen.

By the way, did I mention that some people are very resentful and hotheads? Isn’t human nature beautiful?

Thankfully, things don’t have to be this way. There are also gents that are able to see more than the maddening situation in front of them, and see the devastating effect their giving loose rein on their anger can have on innocent and even non innocent people. See the cause of all the mischief and how little exploding will help them solve the problem. How much it can and will backfire. Don’t get me wrong, they won’t just stop abruptly and smile, that would be so not healthy. They’ll get steamed up alright, but they’ll also try to gain control of themselves before much damage is done. Sometimes lots of damage will be done, but the point I’m trying to get at is that they’re aware of the danger and working on it. These people are considered mature (at least in that aspect) or are getting there.

Moi? I’ve been the first two on and off, but I flatter myself established in the third kinds o’ people, though I still admit I exploded. (I was alone ok? And my faithful sidekick Belle Fille was asleep so there was cero audience and no one was hurt in any way) I’ll usually try and hold my tongue, but there are also times I am set off. I tend to rationalize unconsciously most of what I do, and that in itself has saved me a world of problems. But tread carefully if I can’t or don’t want to. I am scary people. A glimpse of an irrationalized me would instantly trash my organic and natural, not forced(roll your eyes if you must, I won't blame you) sweet tempered rep. and most of everything I’ve worked for.

And so, I will continue to cry myself through my anger episodes until I am rational enough to solve the freakin’ problem I probably caused (which sadly enough is 50 50 of its only existing in my head) , or rational/too darn tired enough to accept I can’t. Or stomach it and get a hernia or something, which I’ve also been known to do. And write about it when I’m done. Like now.

Except that my stomach still hurts.

Mr. Responsibility

I know I’ve been gone for a while, but let me share something I’ve learnt recently. As a woman. As a wife. As a mom.

I’ve got a truckload of responsibility.

Thankfully, I’ve got a truckload of potential as well, but that’s not enough. Hold on though, my head isn’t as blown up as you’re thinking right now. We all have a truckload of potential behind us. Male, female, child or adult. However, it doesn’t matter as much as you’d think. Why? Because potential isn’t something solid you can use. It’s what you can do, what you can be. Truth be told, it’s totally and completely useless.

I did say I was thankful for that useless bunch of crap, so don’t get me wrong. It’ll always come in handy. Its right there, ready to explode and be used in incredible, unique ways. The hard part is working your but off to be able to use it.

That said, allow me to return to my original statement. See, Responsibility is actually the last name of a person named Privilege. Middle name, Joy. You can’t have one without the others because they’re all one person, and to know this person is to be whole. Now then, Mr. Responsibility (yes, I know Joy is a girl’s name, but work with me people, it’s a metaphor) isn’t very popular, but that’s because most people don’t know him very well. Most don’t even know his first name, much less his middle name! He is an amazing person once you do get to know him though. He’ll take you places you’d never imagined you could go. He’ll help/make you do things you didn’t even know you could do. He’ll give you such insights and wisdom that you’ll forever forget what boredom was, because all you’ll see is purpose, happiness and growth in everything you do and everywhere you go.

FYI, I just met him. In fact, I’m afraid we’re very slight acquaintances. Being dead honest, I’ve only seen him pass by a couple times, and he was miles away. He seems nice though, and very welcoming and ready, even eager, to help you. Maybe a little too eager, with all the responsibility you’re forced on as you grow older and hopefully, more mature. But believe me, it is very well worth it.

Home is my responsibility. My husband, my daughter. Privilege is being responsible of achieving harmony in my home, warmth and peace for my husband, loving protection and fun discovery for my daughter. Joy is every single second in between. This is my area of expertise, what I’m supposed to specialize in.

As for myself, I’ve still got a long, long way to go. The streak of feminism that marked my teenage years is gone, but it left a yearning of personal growth in its place, and a wish to help others grow as well.

And so, with this new paradox of life, and the goals I’ve set for myself I repeat, I’ve got a truckload of responsibility/privilege. A lifetime of joy. I am just so freakin’ blessed!!! I could tell you in hard numbers what all this is translated to in my life, and I might later on, but this is that, in its purest state.

Belle Fille's First Vacations

I've got one word for you... Beach! We just had a long weekend and took advantage of it by going to the beach with a few friends. It was really fun and relaxing, even for Belle Fille!

However, between us and the beach there was a road trip that would get us from point a to point b that I wasn´t particularly looking forward to. I'd heard that traveling with infants is really stressfull and I was a little apprehensive about taking the babe for a five hour trip. I know it's not much but what would I do if she decided to poop her pretty bottom off in the middle of the road? What if she got nausea and puked?

My...

Thankfully the babe was excellent by sleeping about half the time and eating and playing with her toys the other half. She'd only start to cry when hungry, and that's easily fixed so it didn't pose a problem. Thank goodness for her sweet temper and high tolerance levels! Why, she´s just like me! (wink)

We bought her a baby float with a little flower on top for shade and she looked so cute! We also got her a full body bathing suit with 50 UV protection. You know, the kind that looks like a wetsuit, so the sun had no more effect besides giving her a light tan. She really liked the pool and would ocasionally paddle her little feet in her floaty. She didn't move more than a few inches but her waddle was very funny and added to her already huge charisma.

At the beach (the floaty was used at the hotel's pool) Belle Fille´s first sight of the sea was that of awe. We couldn't peel her eyes off from the ocean! She had this confused look on her face she gets when she's trying to understand something, with her eyebrows knit together. After the shock excitement kicked in and she was ready to venture into the waves which were less than a yard high in her Daddy's arms like the brave girl that she is. Turns out she didn't like the big noise the waves made when crashing and got fidgety so we retired back to dry land.

Us grownups (right) played a little futbol and there was a small accident with a friend involving a toenail making a 90º degree angle with itself. Ouch. That once happend to me playing volleyball and it HURT. By the way, for me playing football is the equivalent of standing still and occasionally hinting at kicking the ball.


Belle Fille and me at the beach, isn't she gorgeous?

P.S. Hmmm... I've been a little reluctant on posting pics online, but you already know me and Belle Fille's identity is (of course) veiled under her cool sunglasses. I haven't taken a stand in this aspect, and yes I am a little paranoid. I just couldn't resist showing off my babycakes!

Random thoughts of a mom/student/young woman

Today was a really good day. I went to school and took a nap during the twenty minute coffee break the teacher gave us. I hope I didn't snore: by the time I looked up the teacher and everyone was back. Anyhows, I went to the library to check out a book on exporting for this project that's due in two weeks time. It's gonna be really interesting, but I haven't figured out what I want to export. Any ideas? I would really appreciate it x)

......

You know, I was watching my beautiful baby, and she stared back at me there was an amused look on her face. I started to ponder what she was thinking... would it be somewhere along the line of "haha, here comes my goofy mom again", or "milk!", or "yay, mommy!". I think it's probably a combination of all three though. And that's excellent with me.

I love to look into her deep brown eyes and get to know her better. She's like a wonderful mystery with diapers. She's so pretty...

Ok I'm getting sidetracked here.

I seem to be in a random mood since I can't be able to string paragraphs that are coherent with each other so I'll write a short poem:

Dark
Hidden under my room only to be
Found out
Making me warm

Sweet
Dreesed in silver
With a long tail
Short lived

Yearned
Hankered
Loved
Chocolate.

Shifu desu ka (?)

Hello! Like always it's great to be read by you, so welcome! In case you're new, let me tell you a few fast things you probably should know about me.

My name is Nancy, I recently entered the second decade of my life, I got married last year with my sweetheart (you'll know him as Amado or Hubby or anything corny I can think of), and I've got a beautiful baby girl (Belle Fille). I'm in college and I'll be there for Quite a while because I believe the first years of a babe are extremely important and it is my privilege/responsability to be there for her. Plus I actually have the chance to do so, so I do. And man am I enjoying my babycakes! Summarizing, I am a wife/mom/student, housewife is also implied.

Wait, did I say housewife?

Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How did I become... that word?! I didn't sign up for this! Why, why me!? The horror!

Haha just joking. But it did come in the contract, and I signed it anyway.

Seriously though, I used to cringe at the word. Housewife. Brrr! As a young girl and teenager I would dread house chores and when I imagined myself as a grown woman I would only focus on my career; there was never a single broom in sight. Of course I would pay someone to keep my apartment clean as soon as I could afford it. I was well on my way to being a feminist.

Marriage? Pshaw, that could wait until I was like thirty, I had more important things to do. Kids? Sure, someday far, far away in the future. To me a succesful career was to be succesful in life and everything else could wait. (scoff, sooo naive)

At sixteen my Amado and I started dating, became a couple, and a few months later I was deep, way over my head in love with my future husband and all feminism started to ebb away while love letters were at a rise.

As a wife and a mom I've learned that don't really need to prove anything to anyone but myself. And I know me pretty well. I know that I don't need to get burnt out finishing my education quickly because I think my time is better invested on my baby, especially now that she's so young. And that doesn't mean I'm dumb or that I'm not competent enough to finish college. Believe me I'll get that done but it ranks below my family. A childs first years are extremely important and I'm not giving that up just to go to school full time.

You know me, I've talked about this before. I'm partial to the saying "slow and steady wins the race". And I am a definite hard head (in mexican, I'd say "machetito") when I'm sure of what I want, and I know where I'm headed.

And so I'm a housewife. Not a perfect housewife, and I still don't jump up for joy when it comes to washing dishes but I know why I do it and do it gladly. My house isn't impeccable and sometimes I wish I could use disposable dishes instead of washable ones. Heck, sometimes I hate those freaken things! But if it helps my family, bring it on!

PS: I can't promise I won't "accidentally" break a few dishes though x)
IIPS: Shifu is housewife in japanese hoho. Gotta practise somehow!

The happy juggler

Hi there! I haven't written in a while, have I? Try and guess why... school! That's right, I've been in College for a month now, and I am so happy! I'm keeping it really light so I've only got a couple of classes, but you've no idea how much I enjoy them. The homework I could pass, but they're very interesting all in all. Learning about the foreign policy in Latin America and how Europe manages their business. Turns out I'm a bit rusty though, a few presentations haven't turned out as I would've liked, but I'm working on it. I also seemed to have forgotten the amount of reading my major involved but I'm back to reality now.

The first day back I sincerely felt like a newbie, not lost but a little nervous. When I got to my major's department there were only people I didn't know at all, and the person I was looking for was really busy so I had to wait a little bit. After a while, a known and friendly face finally appeared and I felt less awkward, until an inside joke made it's appearence and since I'd been gone for a while, I felt kinda left out.

Fortunetly, (or unfortunately, depends on your self esteem or hormones) the feeling wasn't anything new, so, though I felt a bit self-conscious, I reasoned that it wasn't necessarily intended to make me feel uncomfortable: I just haven't been around. Sure, they couldn've been more sensible towards me, but then again I was feeling a tad insecure before that already and probably took it the wrong way. I'm sure it wasn't badly meant.

Ok let's steer off those feelings a bit and continue to the big picture.

The point is I am glad to be studying again. Oh, and remember how I was a bit apprehensive about how this would affect my Belle Fille? I needn't have worried: she sleeps most of the morning, and she's such a darling she's no bother at all. Usually she's barely waking up by the time I come back from the university so that's really taken a load (no matter how imaginary) off my mind.

However, I've got to admit that besides school and my beautifull babe, I've got other responsabilities at home I haven't managed quite yet. For example, I'm way behind ironing and a few details of the sort, but, as a whole, I'm getting along acceptably. My hubby, my Amado, has been very supportive, as have been our relatives. In fact, we've been eating better than usual because my mother in law kindly helps us out with cooking a few times a week hoho :)

I've been tempted to lay off a few activities I was doing during my free time like studying japanese and french in order to get things done around the house, but they're so worth the time to me I don't want to abandon them. However, I've still got to do many other things. What to do? And so, tada! My handy, beautiful, black and white agenda saves the day! Besides practical it's pretty so I even enjoy taking it out to scribble homework assignments and stuff like "remember to do laundry". And once in a while, I get to write something like "dinner with Hubby at x restaurant, 8:00 pm" ;)

In a nutshell, I am so thankfull. Really. Everywhere, anywhere, no matter how I look at it, all I see are blessings. Thank you God, thank you so much!