The Twilight Zone

Hey y'all! I hope you've been well, as have I. But I must admit than more than well I've been... different. In a good way.

See, of late I've felt wonderful and strong but I've cried loads as well. I've worried and not cared, I've been fed up and cinical and exploded and then been totally blissful and radiant and then angry and dissappointed. I don't remember being happier at times, and at others I can barely recognize myself. A few friends are actually worried!

I've allowed myself to be very pissed off and I've allowed myself to show it. And others to suffer it. But believe me, they had it coming.

And all this 'cuz I got too tired. And when I'm too tired, it can be an issue to others because they don't know what the heck to do with me. Deference, subtleness dry up in me and I become direct and even a tad bit heartless beyond this point of no return where there is just no freakin' stopping me and I don't give a damn how ruthless I am.

I passed that point recently. It felt great for me, very liberating. Others... not so much. I'm sorry if I hurt anyone, but I don't want to take back anything I said or did, or say and do. I can't anyway so whatever.

Overall, my tolerance for crap has diminished a great deal. I might be going over the edge a bit, and truth be told I lost it but there's only so much I can do. I am now deep within the twilight zone.

I just hope I don't over do it and am smart about it all.

Wish me the best!

Princess or no?

 

Belle Fille is in that phase where she starts to like princess stuff, be it dresses, tv shows and movies, dolls...etc. Princess Sofia  has the lead right now from Disney Channel (or Disney Jr? Dunno) She really likes The Little Mermaid as well, but I had nothing to do with that. See, though I call my child princess and all, I'm not completely sure whether I want her to become a part of the princess culture.

I've often thought that the "sit look pretty and wait for prince charming to come" is filtered from movies like Sleeping Beauty and Barbie dolls. Sure Mulan is the exception and in recent years stronger female characters have been produced but I'm still hesitant. I do not want my kid to grow with such misconceptions.

And yet, I did. I loved Belle from Beauty and the Beast and dressed up as one princess or another and I had loads of Barbies. I'm afraid I adopted a few concepts I'm not proud of but grew out of them in time (thank goodness for books!). I didn't turn out that bad in spite of everything though. And like I said, there are a couple good things that can be picked up from shows now a days. For example, I don't remember if it was Cinderella II or III, but the aforementioned did her own thing instead of being a "proper lady". That much at least can be rescued.

Our culture is flooded with wrong ideas on what girls should be: how to look, what to wear, what to say. Augh. And yet, I can't protect Belle Fille from all that, I'm not even sure I want to because she needs to know both good and bad to be able to form a criteria of her own. So what to do?

I've decided that in my house princesses and Barbies won't be encouraged nor banned. Avoided as much as possible though. If she reeeaaally wants to see a certain program or toy, I suppose she could twist my arm into it. But I'll do close to whatever it takes to distract her before that. You've got my word for it.

PS: Truth be told, I have mixed feelings regarding Tinkerbell. I like the curiosity and non comformist way to do things she shows in her movies and though her dress is way to short, I don't really mind.

The Rats' Song

I sing. A lot. But this post isn't about me singing, it's about Belle Filles' new favorite song. Rememember when my little girl was teeny tiny and I sung her a lullaby? Well Muñequita linda isn't her favorite anymore (though we still sing it a lot). Now it's "Una Rata Vieja." This is an old, old song too, mexican lore, and though it doesn't strike as a tune for a child, it's sung to little children.

Una rata vieja
An old rat

Era planchadora
Would iron clothes

Por planchar su falda
For ironing her skirt

Se quemó la cola.
She burnt her tail.

Se puso pomada
She put some balm on

Se amarró un trapito
She tied a cloth on herself

Y a la pobre rata
And the poor rat

Le quedó un rabito.
Was left a little stump.

Belle Fille Update

On a happier note, I'd like to talk about my Belle Fille. She's had a few subtle changes of late, but they've really caught my attention. She's never been troublesome, but now she seems to have a new 'tude, you know? She's still a sweetie and all, but now she's more... let me put an example. She's tall enough to fumble with the stove handles now, but I obviously don't let her.

So I put on a stern voice, and and say No Belle Fille.


Belle Fille seems taken back by my tone of voice, but isn't cowed. Instead, she looks me in the eye, and lifts her hand silently.

No  I repeat.

She drops her hand but her face is as serious as mine. Without flinching nor hesitating, she reaches up at the stove again.

No.  My tone hardens and she removes her hand. She knows I mean business.

She adjusts her strategy, but not her goal as she smiles sweetly still looking at me but moving her hand towards the handle.

No matter what I do, she's relentless. She isn't even afraid of physical discipline, so my best bet is to say No and move her away while I distract her with something else. These interactions which have been repeating themselves under different circumstances with the same results remind me of when she was wedged up in my rib cage and resisted for a long time to move no matter how much I tried to coax her out. Remember? In Simply Stunning.

Anyhow, that's my Belle Fille for you. Hitherto.

No no no!

Belle Fille has now entered a new fase where she is able to express herself a lot better thanks to a boost in her new vocab. Her first words were mama and papa, followed by nena, agua and guau guau. She moved on to, try and guess, lightbulb. Only that it sounds like laibub, and also ball (baa), among other words. Her most recent word is no. And it is quickly becoming her favorite.

It's time to take your nap babycakes.
No no no

Sweetie stop squirming around, mommy has to change your diapy.
No no no!

How'd you get up the stairs on your own!? Come here...!
Noooooooooo!!!

Need I continue?

She's also starting to develop a slight temper and becoming a tad high maintenance. Nothing out of the ordinary for a one year old, just the usual tantrums in the park. She's become a little spoiled of late. I think it might be because I've been spending too much time with her. I gave her all my attention for hours a few days and I'm afraid now she's gotten used to it.

Before you start to judge me I normally play with her a lot, and take her to the park and for walks on a regular basis, but I also leave her to herself while I tidy up the house, something that I didn't do these days in particular (this because I went to visit my in-laws. I admit I'm messy but I try and be clean. Also, these two are not necessarily synonyms). She had zero competition.

Anyhow, the weekend is over and I'm back in school with homework, not to mention the ironing that I've been putting off on purpose for a while now. FYI I actually like ironing, it's pure strategy haha.

Whatever, we've got some straightening out to do that'll probably be drawn out and I am not looking forward to it. And I quote, "easily in but not easily out, as the lobster said in the lobster pot!"